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Can TV Watching Be a Hobby?

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Before I started this blog there have been times, such as during interviews or in social situations, where I have been asked if I have any hobbies. And my standard answer was usually “golf and tennis.”

It was an honest answer but I did not say anything about watching television – not because I was ashamed of it, but because I wasn’t certain if doing so qualifies as a hobby.

According to Webster (the dictionary, not Emmanuel Lewis) a hobby is “something that a person likes to do in his spare time.” Watching old TV shows certainly meets that minimal standard, but I am not sure that definition really goes far enough.

Engaging in a hobby should mean that you are “doing” something, like playing a sport or going to museums. Or that you are engaged in an activity that is creative or educational or goal-oriented, such as painting, cooking or crochet, or collecting something like stamps or coins or Mego Kristy McNichol action figures (just me on that last one? Ok).  



When watching television, one could argue it’s not really about doing something as much as having something done to you. You’re taking in creative material from a stationary position, while making no contribution to it or embellishing it in any way. If watching TV is a hobby, so is listening to the radio in your car while you’re driving.

However, perhaps some distinction can be made between watching passively for relaxation, and selecting and viewing classic programs with a purpose.

There are times when it’s sufficient to relax on the couch, flip indiscriminately between channels, and let whatever program you land on wash over you, as you put your mind in neutral to decompress after a long work day.

Sometimes I do that too, but most of my evenings of classic TV viewing require advance planning. I choose specific episodes of certain series based on what I’m in the mood for, or if I’m looking to spend a couple of hours in the company of a particular actor or the work of a specific writer.

For instance, when baseball season began a few weeks ago, I enjoyed an evening watching these shows:

“Lucy and the Little League” (The Lucy Show)
One of the series’ best first-season episodes, with a message about overzealous little league parents that resonates as much today as it did 51(!) years ago.

“Leo Durocher Meets Mr. Ed” (Mr. Ed)
Featuring Hall-of-Fame Los Angeles Dodger legends Leo Durocher, Sandy Koufax, Vin Scully, and the unforgettable image of a horse sliding into home plate. 



“The Dropout” (The Brady Bunch)
In which pitcher Greg Brady decides school is no longer important, after Dodger great Don Drysdale praises his curveball. The final scene with Barry Williams and Robert Reed is one of the more touching father-son moments on the series.

“The Mess of Adrian Lissinger” (Get Smart)
Guest-star Pat Paulsen plays Ace Weems, who murders the members of the CONTROL softball team. “They were always throwing balls at me,” he tells Max, who replies, “But Ace, you were the catcher!”

“Take Me Out of the Ballgame” (Family Affair)
Jody’s dreams of joining the neighborhood stickball team are dashed by lack of talent, but Buffy proves to be a natural.

I think there’s some creativity involved in scheduling nights like this.

If I sound a little defensive it’s because those with a connoisseur’s appreciation for classic movies never face this type of scrutiny. Older movies are celebrated as a window into how people lived in different times and places. They have messages inherent in the narrative, and a subtext that reflects a social or political perspective  – sometimes, one that was not intended.

The same can be said for television shows – good television shows, anyway. Beyond their entertainment value I’ve learned something from almost every series I valued enough to collect on DVD – including some shows perceived only as weightless fluff.

So upon further review, I think television can qualify as a hobby, and from now on I will add it to my list of responses. Though at this point, it is probably no longer necessary to do so. 




Seeing Double: Comfort TV’s 10 Best Dual Role Performances – and the 5 Worst

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The longer a TV show runs, the greater the temptation to indulge in one of the medium’s most time-honored clichés – having one of its stars take on a dual role. Most of these occasions are little more than one-shot gimmicks, but some shows have elevated this dubious set-up into something unforgettable.

Here, in reverse order, are ten of television’s best double takes, followed by five from actors who should have been content with just one character.

10. Tina Louise as Ginger Grant and Eva Grubb
Gilligan’s Island
Bob Denver and Jim Backus also played multiple roles during the show’s three seasons, but Tina Louise’s dowdy performance as Eva Grubb was the series’ most memorable departure from the usual monotony of foiled island escapes. The episode “All About Eva” also earns bonus points for blending two classic TV chestnuts into one story – the dual role and the “plain Jane becomes a knockout” transformation.

9. James Best as Rosco P. Coltrane and Woody
The Dukes of Hazzard
James Best appeared in more than 80 films prior to Dukes of Hazzard, and was often cast as villains far more menacing than the sputtering Sheriff Rosco.  In “Too Many Roscos,” Best dusted off that steely expression and hardcore persona that served him well in those serious stories.  



8. Barbara Eden as Jeannie and Jeannie II
I Dream of Jeannie
It has taken awhile but of late I’ve been more impressed with Barbara Eden’s one-woman sister act. Beyond the brunette wig and the switch from pink to green harem costume, I think the contrast between her wide-eyed Jeannie and the character’s more sultry, scheming sister is still underrated by classic TV fans. Eden played both roles in several episodes, beginning with 1967’s “Jeannie or the Tiger.” 



7. Patrick Troughton as The Doctor and Salamander
Doctor Who
The Doctor Who adventure “The Enemy of the World” qualifies as a recent addition to any dual role ranking, though the story in which it took place first aired back in 1967. Only one episode of this 6-part story had been known to survive, until the other chapters were recently discovered in a vault in Nigeria. Now reassembled and released on DVD, the story does not disappoint, particularly in the distinction between Troughton’s whimsical, almost childlike Doctor and his portrayal of the brutal dictator Salamander.

6. Lindsay Wagner as Jaime Sommers and Lisa Galloway
The Bionic Woman
You know who really likes actors in dual roles? Emmy voters. In the first-season Bionic Woman episode “Mirror Image,” Lindsay Wagner played Southern belle Lisa Galloway, altered by plastic surgery to look like Jaime Sommers so she could steal some top-secret documents. She won the Emmy for Best Actress over what many felt was more distinguished competition, including Michael Learned (The Waltons) and Sada Thompson (Family). The Los Angeles Times reported there were boos in the pressroom after the winner was announced. With her bionic ear, Jaime probably heard them too. 



5. David Canary as Adam and Stuart Chandler
All My Children
The evil twin story is a mainstay of daytime drama. Fans still recall easygoing doctor Grant Putnam (Brian Patrick Clarke) squaring off against psycho killer Grant Andrews on General Hospital, or Natalie Marlowe (Kate Collins) being thrown down a well by Janet Green, a.k.a. “Janet from another planet,” on All My Children. But David Canary’s work as brothers Adam and Stuart Chandler had more heart and less histrionics than most twin stories. It also won him five Emmys.

4. Jack Larson as Jimmy Olsen and Kid Collins
The Adventures of Superman
Viewers used to Jack Larson’s amiable “Gosh, Mr. Kent!” persona had to be shocked at his transformation into a vicious mobster in “Jimmy the Kid.” His twisted, grimacing smile, clenched teeth and intense stare are a complete departure from that of Superman’s pal. Larson fondly recalled the episode when I interviewed him in 1996: “I’ve had the ultimate compliment of people asking me, ‘where did they get that actor who looked like you?’”

3. Elizabeth Montgomery as Samantha and Serena
Bewitched
As is often the case with Bewitched, you can enjoy the show for what it is, a still-funny supernatural sitcom, or you could look just beneath the surface and discover a series that had a little more on its mind. The episodes featuring Serena encapsulate the social and generational conflicts of the 1960s, with Elizabeth Montgomery convincingly playing both sides. Note the contrast between Sam, the sophisticated New England suburbanite who dresses formal for country club dinners, and her free-spirited, flower child cousin who wouldn’t be caught dead with all those stiffs. Note also the barely-hidden glance of admiration Sam betrays toward Serena’s bohemian lifestyle, and consider if Darren is holding her back in ways that have nothing to do with magic. 



2. Brent Spiner as Data and Lore
Star Trek: The Next Generation
It’s the tale of two android brothers, only one of whom can experience emotions. Unfortunately, that’s also the one that needed a factory recall. All of Lore’s appearances are series highlights, but Brent Spiner was never better than in the season 4 episode “Brothers,” in which he played Data, Lore and their creator, Dr. Noonien Soong.

1. Patty Duke as Patty and Cathy Lane
The Patty Duke Show
There’s no way this couldn’t be #1. The dual role here was no gimmick – the entire series was built around the concept of identical cousins, both played by a teenage actress who had already earned an Academy Award. Hardly surprising then that she was able to create two fully realized characters and keep them both interesting through 104 episodes.

Several stories called for Patty to imitate her cousin Cathy, or vice versa, and the modulation that Duke employs here is pretty astonishing. Just by the way she holds her eyes, or the suggestion of a mannerism that doesn’t quite fit, she depicts the character she is playing, and the character her character is trying to play. Even with the sound off, you can always tell what’s going on.

Watch the breakfast table scenes, where Duke makes Cathy left-handed and Patty right-handed, or how natural the conversational rhythm seems when the two characters are talking to each other – after awhile you completely forget the novelty of what’s happening. This is one (or two of) the very best performances in the Comfort TV era. 




The 5 Worst Comfort TV Dual Roles

Christopher Knight (The Brady Bunch)
“Two Petes in a Pod” aired late in the series’ fifth and final season, when everyone seemed to already be phoning it in. Christopher Knight’s transformation from Peter Brady to lookalike student Arthur consisted of nothing more than putting on a pair of glasses. 



Lucille Ball (Here’s Lucy)
One of the strangest episodes in the entire Lucy canon is “Lucy Carter meets Lucille Ball,” in which Lucy, in her usual Here’s Lucycharacter, wins a Lucille Ball lookalike contest. The show was a 30-minute commercial for Ball’s upcoming film Mame, which was one of the biggest bombs of her career.  Now, if Lucy Carter had met Lucy Ricardo, that might have been something special.

Leif Garrett (Wonder Woman)
Stretching those acting muscles, teen pop star Leif Garrett plays…a teen pop star and his twin brother, who also becomes a teen pop star. “My Teenage Idol is Missing” was an inauspicious start to the series’ last season.

David Hasselhoff as Michael Knight and Garth Knight (Knight Rider)
A classic slice of ‘80s cheese, in which Hasselhoff plays his evil twin by donning facial hair that made him look like Barry Gibb. Rumor has it that The Hoff put an end to Garth’s appearances because the makeup took too long to apply. Ah, nothing like dedication to one’s craft.  



Liberace (Batman)
The flamboyant entertainer seemed right at home as acclaimed pianist Chandell, but as Chandell’s crooked brother, Harry? Let’s just say we’ve seen more intimidating mobsters in our time – like these guys. 



Bonanza: A Classic for Every Season (Summer of MeTV)

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Note: This review is part of the Summer of MeTV Classic TV Blogathon hosted by the Classic TV Blog Association. Click here to check out this blogathon's complete schedule.


After two years, it's long past time that Comfort TV saddled up for a visit to the old west. 

I know that for some classic TV fans, westerns are the only comfort viewing that resonates.  
The genre thrived in the 1950s, survived the turbulent ‘60s and all but faded out by the disco era. But as with comedies and legal procedurals and medical dramas, its best shows – like Bonanza– are as enjoyable now as in those thrilling days of yesteryear.

America first met the Cartwrights of the Ponderosa on September 12, 1959. Back then there were 27 other westerns airing on the three major networks, which may explain why their adventures were initially lost in the shuffle. But ratings soared after a time slot switch to avoid competition from Perry Mason.  Bonanzabecame television’s second longest-running western (after Gunsmoke), lasting 14 seasons and 430 episodes. From 1964 to 1967, it was television’s top-rated program.

What made this particular western so popular? It starts with appealing characters, portrayed by an outstanding ensemble cast. 



Eric Cartwright, better known as Hoss (Dan Blocker) was the series’ heart and soul, and despite his imposing presence he was particularly beloved by younger viewers. Ben (Lorne Greene) was a rock of stability, faith and optimism, despite being three-times widowed. Adam (Pernell Roberts) was the intelligent but brooding eldest son. Handsome Joe (Michael Landon) was the youngest, the most hotheaded, and the Cartwright most often left heartbroken by a girlfriend’s death or betrayal.

But Little Joe wasn't alone at being unlucky in love. The inability of any Cartwright to hold on to a girl for more than one episode became a running joke among fans. The series even had its own variation on Star Trek’s doomed red-shirted crewmen; if a woman appears on Bonanza in a blue dress, she will almost certainly disappear or die before the closing credits. 

But it wasn’t all romance and loss on the Ponderosa, nor was it always the same old saloons and shootouts. Bonanza mixed comedies and tragedies, action-packed outings with social commentary. Viewers never knew what type of story they’d find from week to week, which helped the series avoid the formulaic stories of some TV westerns and contributed to its remarkable longevity.

As evidence of Bonanza’s consistency and versatility, I’ve selected one classic episode from each of its 14 seasons – watch for them on MeTV. 



Season 1: “The Henry Comstock Story”
Written by series creator David Dortort, this flashback episode features a memorable performance from Jack Carson as prospector Henry Comstock, one of the founders of Virginia City.



Season 2: “The Gift”
Martin Landau and Jim Davis guest star in this adventure in which Joe is attacked by Comancheros while returning from Arizona with a special present for his father.

Season 3: “The Crucible”
Pernell Roberts is featured in what is arguably the series’ best episode. Robbed and left for dead in the desert, Adam is apparently rescued by prospector Peter Kane, played by Lee Marvin. Adam’s relief turns to terror when Kane is revealed as a madman, who seeks to prove through torture that a morally upright man can be driven to murder. Their twisted battle of wills is riveting. 



Season 4: “Any Friend of Walter’s”
Hoss, en route to see his girlfriend Bessie Sue, is forced to take shelter in a rundown shack that is home to Obie, a mangy prospector (yes, the Cartwrights met quite a few prospectors in their day) and his dog, Walter. Obie insists that the mutt is one of the smartest dogs in the West, but when bandits attack Walter proves he ain’t no Lassie.

Season 5: “Calamity Over the Comstock”
The Cartwrights meet western legends Doc Holliday and Calamity Jane (played with va-voomish appeal by Stefanie Powers).

Season 6: “Old Sheba”
There’s an elephant on the Ponderosa, and no one is quite sure how to get rid of him. This is one of the better comic outings to feature Lorne Greene.

Season 7: “The Other Son”
The Wages of Fear, Bonanza-style. Ben hires an explosives expert to help transport nitroglycerin across a mountain range to the site of a mine disaster. This is one of the series’ most suspenseful episodes. 

Season 8: “A Christmas Story”
I’m always a sucker for holiday episodes – this one has Hoss playing Santa Claus and Wayne Newton singing “Silent Night.”

Season 9: “Showdown at Tahoe”
Ben and Candy (David Canary) square off against an outlaw gang on a paddle-wheel steamboat.

Season 10: “The Wish”
Michael Landon wrote and directed this episode, in which Hoss helps an African-American family (headed by guest star Ossie Davis) fix their farm and deal with racist threats from a neighboring town. 



Season 11: “Caution: Easter Bunny Crossing”
This choice will likely tick off a few fans, but I can’t help it. While it’s been years since I’ve caught this episode, I have never forgotten the sight of Hoss, dressed as a giant bunny, throwing Easter eggs at a gang of stagecoach robbers.

Season 12: “Kingdom of Fear”
The Cartwrights are abducted and forced to work on a chain gang by a sadistic judge. Shot in the week following Robert Kennedy’s assassination, this Michael Landon-penned episode was originally deemed too brutal for broadcast and didn’t air until 3 years later.

Season 13: “The Lonely Man”
The series’ best Hop Sing episode finds the Cartwrights’ loyal cook in love. Sadly, his romance doesn’t fare any better than those of his employers.

Season 14: “Forever”
A heartbreaking story written and directed by Michael Landon that serves as an unofficial tribute to Dan Blocker, who died prior to the season’s start. When Ben and Joe grieve for the latest in a long line of Joe’s ill-fated love interests, their tears were really in memory of their departed costar and friend. 


The Chronicles of Riverdale: Archie Comics on Television

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Seventy years in high school? Even a Kardashian could graduate in that time, but not Archie Andrews. He entered Miss Grundy’s class during World War II and is still there, sitting next to that putz Reggie.

Given the enduring popularity of Archie Comics it’s not surprising that television would try to adapt the saga of Riverdale’s oldest teenager. 



The first attempt was a 1964 pilot that failed to receive a series order. An appealing young cast (including bubbly ex-Mousketeer Cheryl Holdridge as Betty) might have helped the show find an audience, but we’ll never know now. Of course, had Archie been picked up, William Schallert (cast as Archie’s father) would not have been available to play Patty’s “Poppo” in The Patty Duke Show, and that’s an alternative classic TV universe I’d rather not visit. Check it out:



Animation seems like a more natural way to transfer these characters to TV, but despite several attempts the Archie gang never found a proper showcase. The Archie Showdebuted in 1968 and was canceled in 1969. It was followed in rapid succession by Archie’s Fun House(1970-1971), Everything’s Archie(1973-1974), The US of Archie(1974-1976) and the Bang-Shang Lollapalooza Show (1977-1978), which I guess featured Jughead joining Jane’s Addiction. 



There were nine shows in all, none of which made a noticeable dent in the popular culture (outside of their musical component, which we’ll get to momentarily). Their failure is even more glaring given that two Archie Comics spinoff shows, Josie and The Pussycats and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, fared much better.

So what went wrong? Filmation did a serviceable job with the look of the various Archie shows – the animation was basic but colorful, no different than most Saturday morning cartoons. But that’s about all they got right.

The voices for the characters were not just ill-chosen, they were atrocious. Both Archie (Dallas McKennon) and Reggie (John Erwin) speak in harsh, grating tones. Veronica (Jane Webb) sounds like Penelope Pitstop on helium. Betty (also Jane Webb) fares somewhat better, but Jughead (Howard Morris) doesn’t sound anything like the laid-back hipster of the comics.

When you think of how well the producers of the Peanuts specials selected voices for their beloved characters, you realize how imperative it was for Charlie Brown, Lucy and Linus to sound right, even if we’ve never heard them speak before. The vocal talent miscasting on The Archie Showand its successors exemplifies what happens when this crucial element is lacking.

The other misstep with the Filmation Archie shows is one that is not uncommon to adaptations of comic books in this era – the errant presumption that the studio knows what makes the characters work better than their original creators. Rather than adapt the kinds of stories that Archie fans had enjoyed for decades – getting dates for the dance, high school sports competitions, Archie trying to keep his jalopy running – the show’s writers opted for more outlandish concepts, like Reggie being chased by Bigfoot on a deserted island. When that didn’t work, Archie’s Funhouse turned the gang into a Saturday morning version of Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In, with quick fadeout gags and corny jokes.

But let’s give credit where it’s due – the same creative team that botched everything else was much more successful with the shows’ musical component. After bubblegum svengali Don Kirshner helped launch the Monkees, he recruited singer Ron Dante and ace songwriters like Jeff Barry (“Da Doo Ron Ron”) to turn The Archies into a marketable singing group. Debut single “Bang Shang a Lang” stalled just outside the top 20, but “Sugar Sugar” sold 3 million copies, topped the Billboard chart for 4 weeks, and was the #1 single of 1969. 



While the cartoons sputtered, it’s ironic that the only effort that got it right was a live action made-for-TV movie that aired only once, and allowed the characters to do the one thing they could never do in the comics – grow up.

From 1990, Archie – To Riverdale and Back Again was set at the gang’s 15-year high school reunion. In this version, thrice-divorced Veronica returns from Paris, Jughead has become a psychiatrist, Betty a schoolteacher, Reggie a health club owner. Archie, rather like Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life, never left his hometown, choosing to put his own dreams on hold to help others.

While 1990 falls just outside the Comfort TV era, thankfully the world had not yet become so cynical and dismissive of the innocent charms of material like this. The movie never condescends or ridicules, content rather to embellish without changing the personalities of these familiar characters; Jughead is still a little off-center, Reggie is still a cad and Betty is still the sweetest girl in town. When “The Archies” take the stage at their reunion to perform “Jingle Jangle,” anyone who grew up with these characters will feel a wonderful nostalgic rush.



Casting was spot on, and you’ll see a few familiar faces – Lauren Holly as Betty, former Saturday Night Live cast member Gary Kroeger as Reggie, and Charlie’s Angels’ sidekick David Doyle as Mr. Weatherbee. Christopher Rich, who played Archie, now costars on Melissa and Joey…I never watched the show, so I wonder if it ever acknowledged a “reunion” between Archie and Sabrina.

To Riverdale and Back isn’t perfect – Jughead’s rap duet of “Sugar, Sugar” with his son seems desperate, but overall the film has it’s heart in the right place, and some nice things to say about the value of friendship and remembering where you’re from. Still no DVD, but the entire movie can be watched on YouTube. 


The Disappearance of Murphy Brown

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There is no pre-set formula for achieving classic TV status. But when a series stays on the air for 10 years, earns praise for the quality of its writing and ensemble cast, wins numerous Emmy Awards, and impacts the popular culture in a way that merits reference in nightly news broadcasts, that series almost inevitably qualifies as something special. 

So why has Murphy Brown, which did all of these things, not endured like, say, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, a series with very similar DNA?



I used to watch Murphy Brown every week. I looked forward to the recurring bits and gags, from Murphy’s love of (badly) singing classic Motown to her never-ending quest for a competent secretary. I enjoyed the visits from her mother, played by the wonderful Colleen Dewhurst, and the way the series blended fiction and reality by casting several prominent television journalists (Connie Chung, Linda Ellerbee, Joan Lunden) as Murphy’s antagonistic colleagues.

I remember the milestone episodes, such as when Murphy gave birth to her son, an event that generated headlines when Vice-President Dan Quayle questioned the wisdom of glorifying single-parent households. This inspired a brilliant episode in which Quayle’s comments were incorporated into the story, along with a few shots at the politician’s inability to spell “potato.” 



This was a show that seemed at home in the classic TV universe, never more so than when Marcia Wallace reprised her role as Carol Kester from The Bob Newhart Show. Finally, Murphy had capable help, at least until Bob Hartley (Newhart) arrived to entice her back to Chicago.

And yet, I have no desire to revisit these episodes. And I’m apparently not alone; the first season was released on DVD in 2005, but sales were so low that subsequent seasons are still not available. 



Why is that critical “re-watchability” factor that defines the Comfort TV era missing from this once popular and esteemed series? After pondering this question for a while I’ve come up with three possible answers.

1. It Came Along Too Late
The original run of Murphy Brown (1988-1998) emerged at a time when viewers were no longer embracing sitcoms the way they had in previous decades. While many of the series’ characters had real-world counterparts that were immediately recognizable, the Murphy Brown dramatis personae never became archetypes. Today’s cable news channels have no shortage of attractive blonde females, some with dubious journalism credentials, yet no one would ever refer to one of them as a Corky Sherwood (played on the series by Faith Ford). Despite 10 years and nearly 250 episodes, the characters introduced by the series never penetrated the pop culture as deeply as Ted Baxter or Lou Grant.

2. It Was On Too Long
Speaking of which – even the diehard Murphy Brown fans out there would concede that the show lost its mojo somewhere around season 5 or 6. Series creator Diane English left, as did reliable supporting players Pat Corley and Grant Shaud. The addition of Lily Tomlin probably seemed like an inspiration but it weakened the chemistry of the newsroom scenes. The final season presented a story arc in which Murphy was diagnosed with breast cancer. Several sources report that these episodes triggered an increase in mammograms, so it’s hard to disparage shows that may have actually saved some lives. But would you want to watch them again?

3. It Was Too Current
Name-dropping was a rich source of humor on Murphy Brown. But how many people today would laugh at a Strom Thurmond joke? Combine that dated quality with a stridency of one-sided political opinion, and the result is a series that may have played well in its day but now offers the same experience as reading an old newspaper. Contrast this with The Mary Tyler Moore Show, a newsroom-centric show that aired 20 years before Murphy Brown but resisted taking strong positions on the issues of the day. Back then, the first rule of situation comedy was to entertain, not proselytize; why alienate half of your audience?

Another 15 years have passed since Murphy Brown left the air, and television has since become even more hostile and more divisive. That inspires many of us to return to the Comfort TV of past generations. But where some shows age like fine wine, others sadly spoil like whole milk.

Murphy Brown deserved its praise and its Emmys. I’m glad Candace Bergen finally found a place to stretch her comedy skills after hosting several memorable Saturday Night Liveepisodes in the ‘70s. But if it’s all the same, I think I’d rather watch Chuckles bite the dust one more time. 


The Comfort TV Renaissance

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Well, this was unexpected.

When I started this blog two years ago, one of the first pieces I wrote expressed my hope that the television shows of the 1950s-1970s would continue to find an audience among future generations. Now, it appears that is already happening.

It’s About TV posted that the MeTV network, which airs classic TV shows 24/7, now ranks 19thamong all national cable networks. (source: Nielsen) Among the 25-54 demographic, MeTV attracts more viewers than CNN and 80 other cable outlets. 



Now, I suspect more of these viewers are closer to the ‘54’ side of that 25-54 range, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a growing number of 20- and 30-somethings have started to tune out the loud and coarse celebrations of what is wrong with the world, and are finding solace in a kinder spot on the television dial.

What’s significant about this is that 20- and 30 year-olds did not grow up with shows like Make Room for Daddy, The Donna Reed Show and Petticoat Junction, either in first-run or syndication. These viewers are encountering Leave it to Beaver, Daniel Boone, The Mod Squad, Adam-12, Hogan’s Heroes and Get Smart, among other MeTV offerings, for the first time.  And if the ratings are any indication, they like what they see. 



So why is this happening? I can think of three reasons.

1. Other TV continues to find new ways to suck.

We have more viewing choices than ever these days, and there’s a lot of good stuff out there, but so much of cable has become one big noisy reality show.

Bravo, one of the networks MeTV now bests in the ratings, used to be a haven for performing arts programs and independent films. Today it’s most popular offering is the “Real Housewives” franchise. At one time, TLC was an acronym for The Learning Channel, and described itself as “a place for learning minds.” More recently it has become home to I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Even the once-proud CNN has seen better days, as evidenced by the two weeks of coverage it devoted to the plane that disappeared over the Indian Ocean. The news is important, but wallowing in tragedy is not.

2. There’s a reason they’re called classics.

While nostalgia and childhood memories can enrich the viewing of a favorite old program, they are not essential.

For some of us these shows have been part of our lives for so long it’s hard to think of anyone having their first encounter with The Twilight Zone or The Brady Bunch. But why wouldn’t someone raised on Friends and Felicity be able to appreciate the brilliant writing of the former, or the simple pleasures of the latter?

The age of the material doesn’t matter, nor will the way our lifestyles have changed in the past five decades (hey, why don’t Greg and Marcia have cell phones?). Put a kid in front of a 3 Stooges short from 1935 and they will laugh (well, a boy will, anyway). Quality is quality. It’s the same reason my generation learned to revere Sinatra after growing up on Led Zeppelin (though we still like them too).

“Better or worse” comparisons are tricky without some qualifiers. Certainly today’s television is often more sophisticated, but it’s also often more cynical. Old situation comedies can be formulaic, but most of them provide a more optimistic view of our life and times. Is The Fugitivebetter than The Sopranos? Whatever your response, there’s no doubt that the plight of Dr. Richard Kimble is just as powerful today as it was 51 years ago. 



3. There’s always more great TV to discover

I know classic shows can still resonate with a modern audience, because thanks to networks like MeTV and Antenna and Cozi, I’m still discovering many of them myself. I have no personal history with shows like The Bold Ones or Wanted: Dead or Alive, but now they’re staples on my DVR.

Lately I’ve also been enjoying the horror anthologies Thriller and Night Gallery, despite their hit-and-miss nature. Haven’t been able to get into Bachelor Father, but Naked City is a remarkable urban crime drama, and Route 66 has a unique vibe all its own. The location shooting offers a fascinating window into America in the 1960s, just before the dramatic social changes that dominated the latter half of the decade. 



There was a time when I thought the Nick at Nite experiment of building a network around vintage television had come and gone for good. But now I am more confident that whatever the future holds for this medium, there may always be a place to watch Lucy sell Vitameatavegamin, to listen to the Monkees sing “Daydream Believer,” and to find out the results of the trial after Sgt. Joe Friday arrests another lawbreaker.

Now, let’s see if people still care about Honey Boo Boo in 50 years. 


Mission: Impossible: TV for Smart People

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“Please slow it down – I get stomach cramps!”

That quote was taken from a letter sent to the producers of Mission: Impossible from someone who apparently couldn’t take the stress.

I’m glad they didn’t listen. The show’s frenetic pace was one of its greatest assets, comparable to nothing else on TV until Jack Bauer began his first race against the clock on 24. From the lit match that kicked off the opening credits to the final freeze-frame, Mission: Impossible just flat-out moved, and demanded that you pay attention. 



If you did, and your stomach didn’t hurt, your efforts were rewarded. M:I rarely insulted the intelligence of its viewers. Don’t expect the surplus exposition found in other hour-long dramas – you won’t watch scenes in which Jim Phelps turns to Cinnamon and says, “So that means the agent we captured yesterday is planning on contacting his government at midnight, to receive his final instructions on the assassination attempt of General Morales!” No, sorry, you keep up, with no help from the characters.

The title was well chosen because the focus is always on the mission, not the operatives who carried it out. That made casting critical, as an audience used to building familial attachments to TV characters would now have to cheer on a team of emotionless government workers.

Who were they? One-sentence descriptions will suffice: Leader Dan Briggs (later Jim Phelps), a brilliant tactician of stoic demeanor; Barney Collier, electronics genius; Willie Armitage, the team’s muscle, Rollin Hand, master of disguise, Cinnamon Carter, fashion model turned Mata Hari. The characters were not further developed, because their personalities or lives before the Impossible Missions Force mattered not at all. 



Instead, the drama emerged from the high stakes at play; while Mannix was beating up small-time hoods, and Steve McGarrett was chasing Wo Fat on Hawaii Five-O, the IM Force was toppling foreign governments and averting nuclear holocaust.

But it wasn’t just what they did that made them special, it was how they did it. Viewers used to the near misses and lapses of judgment that were written in to pad out 60-minute shows could now watch a team that didn’t make mistakes. The IM Force got its orders in the first scene and then, step by step, carried them out flawlessly. This was a team that triumphed because they were smarter than their adversaries, not stronger.

Because of this, on those rare occasions when something did go wrong, the sense of danger was far more pronounced. When enemy agents captured Cinnamon in “The Exchange,” it wasn’t like Dan Tanna having to rescue Binzer on Vegas. The threat seemed real.

Theirs was a partnership of professionals, who often went about the task at hand in blessed silence and without commenting on their own cleverness. Every episode featured long scenes with little or no dialogue, which ironically constituted some of the best writing in 1960s television.

For those who want the full story of how this series came to be, I would direct you to Patrick White’s outstanding book The Complete Mission: Impossible Dossier. He shares some great stories about the show’s mad genius creator, Bruce Geller, the role that Lucille Ball played in approving the series pilot, and why star Steven Hill left the show after its first season, to be replaced by the actor who became synonymous with M:I, Peter Graves. 



Hill’s episodes, incidentally, are consistently excellent but were rarely syndicated, which thanks to DVD is no longer an issue. Syndication was a lousy way to discover this series anyway, because there was simply no acceptable means to cut even 5 minutes out of its best episodes. 



Not everyone liked it. In its first season more viewers watched Lawrence Welk, and one critic in Saturday Review wrote a scathing piece that condemned agents who break the laws of other nations, and are never brought to justice.

He had a point. At a time when half the nation was incensed about U.S. forces in Vietnam, here was a show that proudly depicted saboteurs getting their marching orders from “the Secretary” (presumably Secretary of State), who then undermined the domestic affairs of other nations by manufacturing evidence, framing and entrapping government officials, and killing with no remorse.  



Heaven knows how many advocacy groups would demand that Mission: Impossible be taken off the air if it were introduced today. But times were different in the 1960s, and I leave it to you to decide if that’s a good thing.

Almost all of the series’ best episodes can be found in its first three seasons, before the quality was diminished by recurrent cast turnover and a shift to more domestic stories. Here are seven superb Missions worth taking again.

The Pilot
The IM Force is dispatched to Santa Costa to recover two stolen nuclear devices. Everything that made the series a classic was already in its first episode – the self-destructing message delivery system, Lalo Schifrin’s brilliant theme, Rollin’s rubber masks, Barney’s technological wizardry, a cracking pace and a plot that kept viewers on the edge of their seats for a full hour. Also joining the team – Wally Cox, in a memorable one-shot appearance as a safecracker. 

Operation Rogosh
This first-season show was the first of many episodes in which the team creates an elaborate charade to convince an enemy agent that he has been transported through time or across a great distance. Here, they have just 36 hours to break an “unbreakable” terrorist planning a series of attacks on Los Angeles.

The Carriers
The team infiltrates a replica of a typical American city, located behind the Iron Curtain, where enemy agents are trained to think and act like Americans as part of a germ warfare plot. Such places actually existed during the Cold War. In the best scene, the Russians teach Cinnamon how to go-go dance. 



The Legacy
Four men, all sons of Adolf Hitler’s most trusted officers, meet in Switzerland to recover a Nazi fortune, which will be used to start the Fourth Reich. Rollin impersonates one of the heirs, prompting many anxious moments. There’s also a great, unexpected twist at the end. 



The Astrologer
Mission: retrieve missing microfilm and a kidnapped freedom fighter; the challenge, do it while 40,000 feet in the air on a two-hour airline flight. The tight quarters, limited time frame and lack of escape route all intensify the suspense.

The Mind of Stefan Miklos
“I don’t think there has ever been a more difficult show to write in the history of American television than Mission: Impossible,” said one veteran TV writer. Episodes like this one, which may be the series’ best, are the reason. The team has to lead a brilliant intelligence officer to a false conclusion, by leaving clues that can’t look like clues. 

The Glass Cage
How do you free someone from an escape-proof glass cubicle that is constantly guarded and video-monitored, in the heart of a maximum-security prison? The Impossible Missions Force finds a way. 
 

Familiar Faces: A Salute to Classic TV Character Actors

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Back when Sesame Street was fun to watch for adults as well as children (AKA the Pre-Elmo Era), it presented a series of musical segments called “The People in your Neighborhood,” in which kids were introduced to a variety of local tradespeople.



If they were still doing them today, they would feature Muppets dressed as baristas and IT guys.

“Oh, a barista is the man to see
When you want espresso or hot tea
He’ll write your name upon a plastic cup
Then call you when it’s time to pick it up”

Yes, I just wrote that. Somebody get me the Children’s Television Workshop.

But this piece has nothing to do with Sesame Street or coffee. It’s about the people who live in the neighborhood of classic TV. Not the characters in every episode, but those whose faces gradually become just as familiar from their many appearances in different roles on different shows.

Sometimes it takes awhile to learn their names, especially if you’re the type that changes the channel or stops the DVD before the closing credits. But eventually even the most casual viewer will begin to recognize the busiest and the best of them. Each has a unique quality that makes their visits to a favorite show memorable, even if they were frequently cast in the same types of roles – think of all the timid, henpecked characters played by John Fiedler, or how Reta Shaw specialized in domineering housekeepers.

Here are five actors that always make my Comfort TV viewing more enjoyable. Hope to hear about some of yours in the comments.

Jane Dulo
As soon as Jane Dulo appeared in any TV episode, you could count the seconds before she would get on somebody’s nerves. Dulo specialized in sharp-tongued nurses (McHale’s Navy, All in the Family, That Girl) and abrasive mothers/mothers-in-law (she was 99’s mom on Get Smart), but she was never as aggressively nasty as Kathleen Freeman, another familiar actress often cast in such roles. Her prodigious television career ranged from the forgotten 1951 series Two Girls Named Smith to a guest spot on The Golden Girls, 41 years later. 



John McGiver
Though he’s appeared in several westerns, John McGiver is best remembered as a persnickety, exasperated executive who may or may not be British. McGiver’s precise clipped diction carried traces of an aristocratic accent, but the actor was born and raised in New York City, where he worked as an English teacher before starting an acting career. You’ve seen him on Gilligan’s Island, The Lucy Show, The Patty Duke Show(as Martin Lane’s editor), The Beverly Hillbillies, The Fugitive and dozens of other classics. My favorite McGiver moment: as a publisher of children’s books on The Dick Van Dyke Show (“See Rob Write, Write Rob Write”), he steals a hilarious scene from both Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore. 



Hilarie Thompson
Attractive but approachable, Hilarie Thompson’s career began in the late 1960s with several flower child roles, perhaps most notably in the memorable I Dream of Jeannie episode “The Mod Party.” She also played another troubled youth in a terrific two-part episode of Harry O (“Forty Reasons to Kill”) and Oscar Madison’s niece on The Odd Couple. I thought she was superb in the Charlie’s Angelsepisode “Counterfeit Angels,” which introduced a trio of “fake” Angels who commit a series of crimes. Thompson perfectly nailed Kate Jackson’s all-business attitude and quirky vocal inflections. But if you are a Brady Bunch fan, you probably know her best as Marge, the King’s Island carnival booth worker in the episode “The Cincinnati Kids.”




Burt Mustin
He was classic TV’s favorite spunky old codger from the early 1950s (on Father Knows Best) through the late 1970s (with recurring roles on All in the Family and Phyllis). That’s a long time to play characters that were about 80 years of age. IMDB lists more than 10 appearances for which Mustin is billed simply as “Old Man” (or in one case, “Old Man #2”). But even in the smallest role he brought an outsized personality and a contented dignity to his characters. I particularly enjoyed his performance as a retired police detective who both impresses and frustrates Sgt. Joe Friday on Dragnet (“Homicide: DR22”). Mustin passed away in 1977, at age 92. 



Pamelyn Ferdin
She was one of the most easily recognizable child stars of her generation, as much for how she spoke as how she looked. Pamelyn Ferdin had a distinctively tremulous voice, which made her sound like she was on the verge of tears even when she was happy. You may have first heard that voice one of several Charlie Brown animated specials (she played Lucy), or in the Brady Bunch episode where Jan wore that dreadful black wig (“Will the Real Jan Brady Please Stand Up”). Her classic TV appearances began at age 6 with Bewitched and The Andy Griffith Show, and she would later guest-star on My Three Sons, The Monkees, Green Acres, Star Trek and Family Affair, while also appearing as a regular on the Saturday morning series Space Academy. Today, she is a prominent animal rights activist. I think that’s her best role yet. 




The Comfort TV Career of Meredith Baxter

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The Internet Movie Database lists more than 100 credits for Meredith Baxter; 90 of them are for television. Her career began in an era when TV stars rarely crossed into film, but even after such transitions became commonplace she apparently had no such aspirations.  Next month, she joins the cast of The Young and the Restless.

I decided to write about her because I don’t think enough people do. 



Some TV actors are taken for granted, perhaps because consistent proficiency in a wide range of projects is not as esteemed as a single transcendent character or performance. Meredith Baxter starred in one of television’s best dramas and one of its best-loved situation comedies, appeared as a regular or recurring character in three other shows, earned four Emmy nominations and headlined enough TV movies for a Lifetime network marathon that would last a week.

Whatever she was in, she made it better, and that’s something you can’t say about a lot of performers with higher-profile careers. That’s why I’ve channeled my inner Ralph Edwards to celebrate her television achievements – This is Your Comfort TV Life, Meredith Baxter.

Her first year with professional credits – 1971 – includes a memorable appearance on The Partridge Family, in the season 2 episode “Where Do Mermaids Go?” In one of her rare screen performances as a brunette, Baxter plays a bohemian heiress, whom the Partridges first meet when she is skinny-dipping in a rural pond (talk about making an entrance!). In return for the family’s kindness, she deposits one million dollars in their bank account. 



Hippie characters in this era of television were usually played somewhat broadly, with a lot of now-archaic slang. Baxter brings a grounded, melancholy, mature-beyond-her-years quality to an often-clichédrole. And in her close-ups, you may be entranced as I was by the most stunning blue eyes of anyone on TV, with the possible exception of Lara Parker from Dark Shadows.

Just one year later she was headlining her own series, one created by Partridge Family creator Bernard Slade. Baxter played Bridget Teresa Mary Colleen Fitzgerald, an Irish Catholic school teacher who falls in love at first sight with cab driver Bernie Steinberg. “I think we have a problem,” they realize, and that was the introduction to Bridget Loves Bernie (1972-1973).

The couple’s inter-religious marriage and the culture clash of their respective in-laws was the launching point for many of the episodes, but the topics were not explored with the frankness and harder edge of All in the Family, which debuted the previous year. Instead, Bridget Loves Bernie was a sweet and gentle sitcom that worked because of the chemistry between Baxter and costar David Birney, whom she married (and later divorced).    




Despite being ranked fifth in the ratings among all shows that season, CBS shut it down out of concern over adverse reactions from a vocal minority of intolerant viewers. More than 40 years later it’s still the highest-rated TV series to be canceled. Not one of television’s prouder moments.

Following guest appearances on Barnaby Jones, Medical Center and Police Woman, as well as leads in several TV movies (one of the best being The Night That Panicked America, a dramatization of Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds), Baxter played Meg in a miniseries adaptation of Little Women, featuring Greer Garson, Dorothy McGuire and a cast rich in classic TV stars, from Susan Dey and Eve Plumb to William Shatner and Robert Young.

But it was her next series, Family (1976-1980), that for me still resonates most amidst her remarkable resume. Meredith Baxter joined the show in season 2, taking over the role of Nancy Maitland from Elayne Heilveil. 



Family is one of the best shows of the ‘70s and its not accessible anywhere now, outside of a discontinued DVD release of the first two seasons. Maybe we’ve lost the capacity to appreciate shows like this. After 20 years of sensationalized reality TV, the idea of dramatizing the normal low-key reality of life with one Pasadena family now seems like an incomplete pitch; what’s the hook? Is the father psychic or is the mother leading a double life? Does the son have super powers? Is the daughter a Muslim or a pop singer or something else that will bring in a broader demographic?

When the writing and the acting are as perfect as they are here, no other incentive should be necessary. To watch Family is to be wholly drawn into the joys and sorrows and relationships of fictional characters, and to believe that every word they say is extemporaneous, and could not possibly have been typed by someone else months earlier.

And to think we’ve come this far without even mentioning Family Ties (1982-1989), the show for which the actress is certainly best-known. Baxter was top-billed but quickly ceded the spotlight to Michael J. Fox, who Arthur Fonzarelli-ed the rest of the cast into supporting roles. Still, many of the show’s best episodes feature Elyse Keaton, whether she was dragging Alex home from an alcohol-fueled party (season 2’s “Birthday Boy”) or going on a blackjack binge in Atlantic City (season 3’s “The Gambler”).  



When you factor in all of Meredith Baxter’s post-Comfort TV credits – from a Emmy-nominated performance in A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story (1992) to more recent appearances on Brothers & Sisters and Cold Case and Glee, it all adds up to time well spent in one’s chosen profession. And by all accounts she’s a pretty nice person too.

Not sure I’ll be watching her on Young and the Restless– even Daisy Duke joining the cast could not turn me into a regular viewer – but it makes me happy to know she’s still somewhere on television.

When TV Stars Sing, Part One

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I know what you’re thinking. This is going to be a succession of cheap shots at actors who try to parlay their television stardom into a singing career, regardless of actual singing ability. If that’s the only reason you’re here…you won’t be disappointed.

But there’s more to the story than ridiculing people more popular and successful than us, even when they deserve it. The records in question were not all disastrous – it’s just that the disastrous ones are more fun to talk about. Some are quite good. Some, in fact, are excellent.

Let’s bypass the two most obvious selections – The Monkeesand The Partridge Family, as both shows revolved around professional musical groups, and a certain level of proficiency was required to sell that premise. In both cases that level was not just met but greatly exceeded. The Brady Bunch, however, is still fair game.

Even with a two-part entry I won’t be able to cover them all, so I tried to single out the ones that were the most interesting, or the most infamous. 

Let’s start at the very beginning, which as we learned in The Sound of Music, is a very good place to start.

Ricky Nelson
Not only was Ricky Nelson the first TV star to embark upon a successful music career, he remains the standard by which all similar crossover attempts are measured. He was also television’s first teen idol, establishing the template for everyone from Johnny Crawford to Davy Jones to Zac Efron. 



The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet debuted in 1952, with the Nelson family – Ozzie, Harriet and sons David and Ricky – all playing themselves. Rick formed a band in a 1956 episode, and in 1957 he performed a cover of Fats Domino’s “I’m Walkin’” on the show. The original was still in the top 40, but that didn’t stop Ricky’s version from reaching #4 on Billboard’s Hot 100.

Viewers watched Nelson’s performances on TV and then bought his albums, and those who heard him sing on the radio would then tune into the series. That’s the kind of cross-promotional win-win that makes studios, networks, agents and managers salivate.

Ricky Nelson had 35 top-40 hits between 1957 and 1972, including such pop classics as “Hello Mary Lou,” “Travelin’ Man,” “It’s Late” and “Poor Little Fool.” He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1987. 



Bonanza
If you find it hard to believe that the cast of Bonanzarecorded an album, you would be right – they actually recorded two albums. Both Ponderosa Party Time and Christmas on the Ponderosa featured Lorne Greene, Dan Blocker, Pernell Roberts and Michael Landon attempting four-part harmony and missing by a mile. But there’s a good-natured spirit to their attempts that comes through, so at least you know they had fun trying. 



The Donna Reed Show
Sometimes ego propels actors into the music business, but sometimes they are just following orders.

Tony Owen, the producer of The Donna Reed Show (and Donna’s husband) attempted to replicate Ricky Nelson’s crossover success by having series stars Shelley Fabares and Paul Petersen record songs that would be incorporated into upcoming episodes. Both rejected the idea, professing their lack of musical ability with refreshing candor.

But Owen was adamant, so in 1962 Fabares recorded the teenage love anthem “Johnny Angel.” Darlene Love sang backup and Glen Campbell played guitar. The song was #1 for two weeks and stayed in the top 5 for two months. She put out new music for the next three years, but nothing else clicked. 


Petersen also made the charts, first with “She Can’t Find Her Keys” and then with the top 10 hit “My Dad,” which no classic TV fan can remember without getting a little misty.

The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis
On “Songs by Dwayne Hickman” (1960), the Dobie Gillisstar “presents his outlook on life for the first time in song,” according to the liner notes. The trouble is that Hickman sounded eerily like Perry Como, which is probably not the cutting edge sound that Capitol Records wanted from TV’s quintessential teenager. Compare his rendition of “Don’t Send a Rabbit” to Como’s “Round and Round” and you’ll be amazed at the similarities. 



Dr. Kildare/ Ben Casey
The stars of the top two medical shows of the 1960s both attempted music careers, but only Richard Chamberlain (Kildare) has any measurable success. He hit the top 10 with a cover of his show’s theme song in 1962, and returned to the top 40 with his interpretations of Elvis’s “Love Me Tender” and The Everly Brothers’ “All I Have to Do is Dream.”

Hey, this is easy, thought Ben Casey star Vince Edwards. But his first album debuted in 1962 and died on the table. 



Car 54, Where Are You?
Joe E. Ross, who played Officer Gunther Toody opposite Fred Gwynne’s Officer Francis Muldoon, recorded Love Songs From a Cop in 1963. “His singing is not about to give Frank Sinatra concern,” read the liner notes in the understatement of the millennium. But series fans will smile when he incorporates Toody’s trademark “Woo! Woo!” exclamation in his cover of “Ma, She’s Makin’ Eyes at Me.”




The Rifleman
Johnny Crawford, who played the son of homesteader Lucas McCain (Chuck Connors) in The Rifleman, parlayed his teen idol fame into a  brief moment of pop stardom.  As is usually the case with these crossovers, his first release was the most successful – the single “Cindy’s Birthday” reached #8 in 1962. The hits and misses all sound more or less the same – syrupy arrangements meant to hide Crawford’s quivery, high-pitched warblings. His rending of Richie Valens’ “Donna” is particularly painful. Despite the fact that he only had four top-40 hits, he somehow managed to put out two Greatest Hits albums. 



The Beverly Hillbillies
The 1965 Beverly Hillbillies album is an odd mix of music and comedy that features all of the series’ stars, including Raymond Bailey (Mr. Drysdale) and Nancy Kulp (Miss Hathaway) who duet on a little ditty called “Love of Money.” Donna Douglas (Elly Mae) sings about her “critters,” and Irene Ryan (Granny) croons the tender “Vittles.” Saving grace – the show’s theme, performed by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.

The Patty Duke Show
Patty Duke’s self-titled 1965 album, the first of six (!), produced two chart singles, “Say Something Funny” and the top-10 “Don’t Just Stand There.” What I like about her performances is that, unlike other neophyte singers who adopt a “just follow the melody and try to stay on pitch” approach, Patty barrels into the lyrics like it’s karaoke night at a Brooklyn Heights bar, and she’s on her third Long Island Iced Tea. 





The Flying Nun
“Sally Field is many things, including a typical American girl and a marvelous young actress, but she never, in her wildest dreams, thought that she would become a singer.” So begin the liner notes of Sally Field – Star of The Flying Nun. And Sally was right – she never did become a singer. Music supervisor Lester Sill ( a one-time Monkees producer) does his best to make the tracks palatable, usually by boosting Field’s vocals with a Grand Canyon’s worth of echo, and then burying her in a blanket of backup singers. 



The Andy Griffith Show
Remember Golden Throats from Rhino Records? They were collections of hilariously bad recordings by celebrity singers, and one of them included Andy Griffith’s frightening take on “House of the Rising Sun.” That performance suggests it would be wise to steer clear of Themes and Laughs from The Andy Griffith Show (1961). 




Surprisingly, though, the record makes for very pleasant, nostalgic listening, particularly Griffith’s finger-snapping cover of the show’s theme song, “The Fishin’ Hole.” Still sadly unreleased – Francis Bavier’s pioneering gangsta rap masterpiece, “Fight the Power Aunt Bea.” 



Next Week: The Brady Bunch, Hogan’s Heroes, Star Trek, The Odd Couple, Laverne & Shirley and more!

When TV Stars Sing, Part Two

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Welcome back, culture lovers, to Comfort TV’s tribute to (and occasional roasting of) classic TV stars that tried to be singers. As with the previous installment we’ll dig out some long-hidden diamonds, and dig up a few other relics to mock them without mercy. If you’re late to the party, you can read Part One here.

Hogan’s Heroes
I would surmise that most of you will expect Hogan’s Heroes Sing the Best of World War II to be classified in the “what were they thinking?” file. I’d have guessed that too until I first listened to it back in 1995. But once you get past the group rendition of the series’ theme, which is not improved by a lyric (“We’re all heroes, up to our ear-oes”) this is marvelous album, with impressive solo turns by Ivan Dixon, Robert Clary and Larry Hovis.

Dixon’s jazzy cover of “Shoo-Shoo Baby” merits stylistic comparisons to Joe Williams and Johnny Hartman. Clary puts a jubilant, Mel Torme spin on “Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree,” and Hovis shows up an unexpectedly rich baritone on “Lili Marlene.” Richard Dawson opted for a dramatic reading, entitled “This is Worth Fighting For.” Only drawback – no Werner Klemperer-John Banner duet on “Der Fuehrer’s Face.” 



Star Trek
Here’s where it gets scary. Three original crewmembers of the Starship Enterprise boldly went into a recording studio, and two of them should have been beamed out immediately. No form of Romulan torture could be worse than The Transformed Man, a now-legendary trainwreck of a concept album recorded by William Shatner in 1968. Not content with a simple cash-in-on-Kirk record, Shatner unleashes an astonishingly pretentious treatise on man’s place in the universe, with stops along the way for bizarre covers of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” and Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man,” among others. Once heard, they are never forgotten.




At least Shatner learned his lesson after one attempt. Leonard Nimoy made the highly illogical decision to record five albums of his Vulcan vocalese, rarely with the same label twice, which should have told him something. His covers of “Proud Mary” and “Put a Little Love in Your Heart,” from The New World of Leonard Nimoy, sound like 45 rpm recordings played at 33 1/3. And yet, I must admit a perverse desire to hear his single “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins” added to Peter Jackson’s bloated Hobbit trilogy, if only to wake up the audience. 



Nichelle Nichols is the only Star Trek alumnus (until Brent Spiner from Next Generation) with any legitimate right to sing into a microphone. She shared a stage with Duke Ellington at the age of 16, and made numerous nightclub appearances before, during and after her time as Lt. Uhura.


Get Smart
The Get Smart soundtrack album, like those released for Mr. Ed, Flipper, Dennis the Menace and several other shows, consisted primarily of dialog snippets from the series and instrumental music. That would not merit inclusion here, were it not for Barbara Feldon’s performance of “99” and “Max.” Her speaking voice is deep and very sexy. But when she sings, it sounds like an off-key Mae West impersonator at a Vegas lounge show where they’ll waive the two-drink minimum if you promise not to leave early. 

The Odd Couple
The Odd Couple Sings, released in 1968, featured Tony Randall and Jack Klugman backed by, believe it or not, the London Festival Orchestra and Chorus. Randall’s turn-of-the-century music hall style has a certain goofball charm, but the same cannot be said of Klugman’s take on Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” “Ya prob’ly tink dis sawng is about ya,” growls Oscar to Felix, while the London Festival Orchestra and Chorus suppress a collective chuckle.



Medical Center
Apparently, the law compelling any hunky young star of a medical show to cut a record (see Ben Casey and Dr. Kildare) had not expired by the 1970s. Chad Everett took time out from making patients swoon on Medical Center to record two albums, one of which features his wooden take on the Bee Gees’ “Nights on Broadway.” Nurse, AutoTune, stat! 



The Brady Bunch
There were four Brady Bunch albums that achieved moderate sales before landing in the cut-out bin. But the series’ evolution into a cultural touchstone for the baby boomer generation prompted a “Best of” CD compilation that sold in the hundreds of thousands. Yes, I bought one. Performances range from competent (“Merry Go Round,” “Time to Change”) to dreadful (“American Pie”), but the songs that were featured in the show, especially “It’s a Sunshine Day,” will always make me smile. 



Starsky and Hutch
David Soul’s #1 hit “Don’t Give Up on Us” is one of my favorite ’70s songs. It was his only US hit, though Hutch was big business in England, where he landed 4 more songs in the top 20 including a second #1 with “Silver Lady.” Previously, he had been an unheralded opening act for bands like The Doors and The Byrds, and made several appearances on The Merv Griffin Show as “The Covered Man,” singing with a ski mask over his head to hide his identity. The gimmick didn’t get him a recording contract, but it got him a meeting with the casting director who launched his TV career on Here Come the Brides



Wonder Woman
“Toto I get the feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore…”
Sound familiar? It does if you were watching TV in the ‘70s. Lynda Carter did everything she could to make her first single, “Toto (Don’t it Feel Like Paradise)” a hit. She performed it on the third season Wonder Womanepisode “Amazon Hot Wax,” on her 1978 television special, and on every talk show that would have her. It didn’t work. But Carter can sing – you can see her live this October at Lincoln Center. 



The Waltons
I had never listened to (or even known about) Walton Christmas – Together Again until a few years ago, when a friend bought it on eBay. His high bid was one penny. The album was released in 1999, 18 years after the end of the series, and reunited most of the cast members and Waltons creator Earl Hamner, who once again provides a gentle voiceover introduction. Jon Walmsley (Jason) was always the most musical of the cast, and is prominently featured, but you’ll also hear songs and stories from the rest of the brood and their parents (Michael Learned and Ralph Waite). Even those with a high tolerance for corny sentiment might find it all a bit much, but during the holiday season I have caught myself humming the chorus to “Snowman Land.”

The Dukes of Hazzard
Released in 1982, the Dukes of Hazzard album has Boss Hogg (Sorrell Booke) narrating a song cycle that chronicles events surrounding a Hazzard road race. John Schneider, already in the midst of a successful country music career, performed “In the Driver’s Seat,” and Tom Wopat covered The Band’s “Up on Cripple Creek.” Both of the Duke boys were and are first-rate singers – I’ve seen them both on Broadway, Schneider in Grand Hotel and Wopat in Annie Get Your Gun. Catherine Bach’s version of “Downhome American Girl” isn’t quite as polished, though our men in uniform didn’t have any complaints when she performed the song on USO tours.

Laverne & Shirley
This was just not a good idea. Laverne & Shirley Sing(1976) was the album title, and truth in advertising would have demanded a question mark at the end of that phrase. Appropriately, series stars Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams cover 1950s and ‘60s pop hits like “Da Doo Ron Ron” and “I’m Walkin’.” The first single was “Sixteen Reasons,” which pales next to the Connie Stevens version (and that’s not exactly setting the bar high). Promos proclaimed that “this is the album that 50,00,000 fans have been waiting for.” Sales, however, were so disappointing that it’s unlikely even the Big Ragu bought one. 



Charlie’s Angels
After singing on the Josie and the Pussycats record, Cheryl Ladd parlayed her Charlie’s Angels fame into a brief recording career that was bigger in Japan than it was here. “Think it Over” from her first album barely scratched the top 40 (it peaked at #34 in 1978). But just look at that album cover. 


Peace, Love, and Laughter: The Jimmy Stewart Show

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You never know what you’re going to get with a blind buy, but The Jimmy Stewart Show seemed like a safe investment. 



It is difficult to imagine any TV series starring Jimmy Stewart failing to validate one’s attention. This is The Philadelphia Story and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and It’s a Wonderful Life. Also Winchester ’73 and Rear Window and Vertigo. Maybe his situation comedy would never approach such lofty heights, but when an actor from the highest echelon of cinema royalty headlines a television show, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

The Jimmy Stewart Show debuted in the fall of 1971 on NBC, flanked by two established top 20 hits, The Wonderful World of Disney and Bonanza. Even now that seems like odd scheduling, to drop a 30-minute sitcom into an 8:30 time slot between Tinkerbell and Hoss Cartwright. Perhaps that contributed to its early demise, or perhaps viewers simply preferred Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. in The F.B.I. on ABC, or the CBS Sunday Night Movie.

Set in the small and bucolic northern California town of Easy Valley, the series introduced viewers to James K. Howard (Stewart), anthropology professor at Josiah Kessel College. Kessel was Howard’s grandfather, occasionally seen in flashbacks and also played by Jimmy Stewart. 

 

The family consists of James, his wife Martha (Julie Adams), their grown son P.J. (Jonathan Daly), their 8 year-old son, Jake (Kirby Furlong), P.J.’s wife Wendy (Ellen Geer), and their 8 year-old son Theodore (Dennis Larson). The two families live together in Howard’s Victorian-style residence, after Peter’s house is destroyed in a fire.

Stewart was 63 at the time, and he looked it. Julie Adams was a youthful 45. So while the actor’s innate dignity and decency defused any cradle-robbing overtones, it still made for a perplexing family unit, particularly with the couple having a son and grandson of the same age. Series creator Hal Kanter may have been over-reaching here, trying to fashion a quirky and unique blended family when something more traditional would have sufficed.  



It’s hardly surprising that Jimmy Stewart is the most agreeable aspect of The Jimmy Stewart Show. James K. Howard, humble, laid-back, gracious, was everything audiences thought Stewart was really like, and I’ve never read anything to contradict that assessment.

One of Kanter’s best ideas (besides the absence of a laugh track) was to take advantage of that audience affection by having the actor start and finish each episode speaking directly to the viewers. 



“I’m just on my way to begin an episode we call ‘Jim’s Decision,’ Stewart says in a typical intro, as he walks past the dressing rooms on the set. “I’m Jim…Stewart, that is, and I hope it’s your decision to stay with us and enjoy the next half hour.” And in the closing moments, he again steps out of character to tell the viewers, “My family and I wish you peace, and love, and laughter.”

It’s hard not to appreciate a show like that, despite its shortcomings.

Alas, even Jimmy Stewart needs a little help to make a show click, and here not much help was forthcoming. The family roles were poorly cast around its venerable patriarch; in a part that would benefit from the feistiness of a Suzanne Pleshette, Julie Adams comes off as merely pleasant. Reedy-voiced Jonathan Daly always seems bothered about something, and rarely registers any genuine warmth as Howard’s oldest son. Ellen Geer, daughter of Will Geer (who appears in one episode) is blandness personified. 

Even the Howard home is not especially welcoming, a reminder of the role set design can play in the success of a family sitcom. Audiences prefer a familiar, comfortable place to visit, but the floor plan here is all sharp corners and odd angles. Even after half a dozen episodes I had no idea how the different rooms connected.

Thankfully, The Jimmy Stewart Show had one other saving grace besides its top-billed star. John McGiver, who I’ve previously praised on this blog, livens things up whenever he appears as Howard’s professorial colleague, Dr. Luther Quince. It’s a stretch to imagine the two characters as friends outside a scripted world – Quince drives a Rolls Royce and fancies himself a connoisseur of life’s more sophisticated pleasures, while Howard plays the accordion and rides a bicycle to his classes. But McGiver is the only actor in the show playing at Stewart’s level, and several episodes are saved by their scenes together.

Looking at the final balance sheet, I wish this family sitcom had a more interesting family, and I wish a show about a college professor would have spent more time in the classroom, as I’ve always liked shows about teachers. But I very much enjoyed Stewart and McGiver, the guest appearances from such reliable character actors as Mary Wickes and Jack Soo, and the bit parts in two episodes played by an impossibly young Kate Jackson.

If you’re inspired to follow me in this blind buy, you’ll get 24 episodes of which many are good but none are great, plus a few that probably made Stewart grumble the way he surely did when he got roped into a turkey like Airport ’77, though he would be too much of a gentleman to do so outside the privacy of his dressing room. I’m happy to have The Jimmy Stewart Show in my DVD collection, even if I don’t revisit it as often as I once anticipated. 



The Top 20 TV Theme Songs of the 1950s

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I must still be in a musical mood after getting reacquainted with all those singing TV stars, so let’s spend the next few weeks on theme songs.

Last year I did a series of pieces on the essential shows of the 1950s, 60s, 70s and 80s. I’ll take the same approach with theme songs by decade. I think twenty is a good number, because it’s enough to cover the essentials but will still force some dreadful choices about which tunes to omit.

Of the four pieces, this first one on the 1950s was the most challenging; my knowledge of the TV of this decade is not as deep, and many of the themes from this era are obscured by voiceover narration and lengthy sponsor plugs. A lack of diversity resulted in countless shows featuring generic orchestral melodies and brass fanfares, so as a result I’ve been force to cheat with a couple of the choices (which will be acknowledged in those respective entries).

Ready? Here we go.

The Twilight Zone
It’s the most unique and progressive composition on this list, so even though the entries are not ranked in order The Twilight Zone still deserves the top spot. Composer Marius Constant’s dissonant, avant-garde mix of guitars, bongos, saxophone and French horn doesn’t sound like any other 1950s music on TV or anywhere else. 



The Lone Ranger
Yes, this is my first cheat. The theme is Rossini’s stirring William Tell Overture, but no other classical music piece is more closely associated with a TV show than this one.

Dragnet
As with The Twilight Zone, most TV fans can still name this tune in four notes. Composed by Walter Schumann, the somber theme was actually titled “Badge 714” and was first heard on the Dragnet radio series.

Rawhide
Western shows dominated television in the latter half of the 1950s. It’s debatable whether  Rawhide was the best of them, but it certainly had the best theme, especially with those memorable whip-crack punctuations. It was recorded by Frankie Laine, and revived for a new generation by the Blues Brothers in 1980.



American Bandstand
TV’s most prominent early rock-n-roll showcase had a boogie theme that was not as rebellious as the new music genre it helped to popularize. But it endured for more than 30 years, and enjoyed a 1970s revival after Barry Manilow added a lyric.

The Jackie Gleason Show
“Melancholy Serenade” was not created for the comedian’s classic variety show, but it was composed by Jackie Gleason himself and performed by his orchestra, which recorded several best-selling instrumental albums in the 1950s and ‘60s. 



Peter Gunn
Henry Mancini’s jazzy theme, played by guitarist Duane Eddy, is another of the most instantly recognizable ‘50s themes, and set the perfect tone for this hard-boiled crime series. It’s been covered dozens of times by jazz and blues musicians and, like the theme from Rawhide, was also featured in the Blues Brothersmovie.



Alfred Hitchcock Presents
It would be hard to imagine a more appropriate introduction to this macabre anthology series than “Funeral March for a Marionette,” by the French composer Charles Gounod. 



The Mickey Mouse Club
“The Mickey Mouse Club March,” composed by genial head Mouseketeer Jimmie Dodd, is one of the great singalong tunes of TV’s golden age. If you were a kid at the time you probably still remember all the words.

Johnny Staccato
Here’s a case where both the series, a Greenwich Village crime drama starring John Cassavettes, and the jazzy music (by Oscar-winning composer Elmer Bernstein) should be much better known and celebrated than they are. The show lasted only one season but is available on DVD. 



The Donna Reed Show
Multiple versions of the same theme were heard throughout the series’ eight seasons, but the best one was the first, with its slower tempo and refined, string quartet arrangement, which builds to a lovely harp glissando as Donna Stone cheerfully sends her family out into the world.

The Rifleman
You don’t get to hear as much as you might like of Herschel Gilbert’s theme at the start of each episode, best remembered by Chuck Connor’s rapid rifle fire. But the longer version played over the closing credits and was better than anything in series costar Johnny Crawford’s discography.

M Squad
The brassy swing of Ernie Wilkins’ theme was popular enough to be covered by both Harry James and Count Basie. It was also the inspiration for the music heard in the Naked Gun movies and Police Squad! TV series, which I guess was meant as a compliment. 



The Lawrence Welk Show
Your grandmother’s favorite appointment TV was all about the bright, shining sounds of champagne music, exemplified in its opening theme, “Bubbles in the Wine.” What once seemed corny now sounds sweetly nostalgic and reassuring.

Bronco
A lot of 1950s themes tried to tell the entire story of the show in a few measures of music. Bronco offered one of the better examples of this. In just 90 seconds you’ll hear three verses and a chorus that provide a thorough introduction to Ty Hardin’s cowboy hero, Bronco Layne. 



Mama
Here’s another cheat – the theme to this TV adaptation of the movie I Remember Mama was adapted from the Holberg Suite by Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg.

Leave it To Beaver
While I confess it’s not one of my personal favorites, the Leave it to Beaver theme is certainly one of the quintessential TV tunes of its era, and instantly conjures images of the family sitcom at its most wholesome.

Zorro
The other heroic masked rider of 1950s TV didn’t have Rossini in his corner like the Lone Ranger, but he did have the expert tunesmiths at Disney, who created a stirring theme that became a top 20 hit for The Chordettes. 



I Love Lucy
For more than 60 years the I Love Lucy theme has been one of the medium’s most familiar melodies. The composer is Eliot Daniel, who wrote it as a favor for his friend, series producer Joss Oppenheimer – as long as Oppenheimer agreed to keep his name off the show. At the time Daniel didn’t think much of television and figured I Love Lucy would never last. He changed his mind by the second season (and happily collected royalties for the next 40 years). Lyrics (by Harold Adamson) were added for a memorable third season episode. 



The Deputy
Who would have guessed that an uncommon theme would be the most interesting part of a TV western starring Henry Fonda? The show was fairly typical of its time and genre despite Fonda’s gravitas, but the sound of that electric guitar was something no one would associate with westerns until Ennio Morricone began scoring the Sergio Leone films.

Next: The Top 20 Themes of the 1960s

The Top 20 TV Theme Songs of the 1960s

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By the 1960s, producers and networks recognized the value of a memorable theme song, ushering in the golden age of this singular musical genre.

The resulting embarrassment of riches means that some truly wonderful themes, from Bobby Sherman’s “Seattle” (Here Come the Brides) to Dave Brubeck’s jazzy intro to Mr. Broadway will not make the cut. I also couldn’t find room for Man in a Suitcase, Lost in Space, The Ghost & Mrs. Muir, I Dream of Jeannie, T.H.E. Cat or many others that deserve recognition.

Some may argue that a few of my top 20 qualified not by musical merit, but on the enduring popularity of their respective series. I won’t completely dismiss the point. But consider that since these are also the shows rerun most frequently in the past 50 years, we should by all rights be weary of their songs by now. And still, before yet another encore presentation, I don’t hit the fast-forward button on the DVD player. That should count for something.

Mission: Impossible
Here’s the first of many inescapable selections. Lalo Schifrin’s propulsive theme provides the perfect introduction to the breakneck pace of this tension-filled espionage series. 



The Brady Bunch
Written by series creator Sherwood Schwartz, the song and its accompanying opening credits sequence has been embedded into the DNA of American baby boomers.

Bonanza
This is the one TV western theme that most closely captures the magic and majesty of a great western film score. Thankfully, the version with lyricsperformed by the cast and shot for the series’ pilot was pulled before the episode aired. But it’s a fun curio now. 



The Munsters
Why would anyone think a surf rock theme would be appropriate for a sitcom about a family of horror movie monsters? Sometimes, genius ideas turn up in the strangest places. 



Route 66
The series shares its name with a 1940s song that was a hit for Nat King Cole and The Manhattan Transfer. But it didn’t have the right vibe for this portrayal of restless youth hitting the open road. Enter the famed composer and arranger Nelson Riddle, who delivered a smooth, jazzy instrumental that earned a Grammy nomination. 



Batman
How many generations of kids grew up running around a playground with Neal Hefti’s famous “na na na na na na na na” riff running through their heads? Another classic that is indivisible from the series it introduced.

The Beverly Hillbillies
Just once, try not to focus on the lyric with its famous “swimmin’ pools, movie stars” references, and instead savor the first class bluegrass picking of Country Music Hall of Fame inductees Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs. 



Jonny Quest
There is not an abundance of melody in Hoyt Curtain’s percussion-driven theme, but it sets the perfect tone for this sophisticated action series. The heavy drums evoke the primitive settings of many Quest adventures. Curtin allegedly wrote the trombone parts in a way that were impossible to play correctly, to get back at musicians who chided him for the simplicity of his previous compositions.

The Monkees
Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart, who wrote the first Monkees #1 hit (“Last Train to Clarksville”) also composed the show’s theme song that, nearly 50 years later, is still being played on tour by the band’s surviving members. Micky sings lead, but it’s just not the same without Davy Jones. 



The Wild Wild West
Hopefully I’m not the only one who hears shades of Aaron Copland in the heroic strains of the Wild Wild West theme, composed by Richard Markowitz. The less said about the rap version attached to the movie remake, the better. 



Room 222
In the 1960s, it will still acceptable for a television series to take a few moments to introduce itself, rather than plunging right into the first scene. The opening credits sequence to Room 222 runs 1:30, during which 4 cast members are credited, and we watch dozens of students walk to and from school to the gentle strains of a theme composed by the great Jerry Goldsmith. I always thought a flute carried the melody, but I’ve now read several opinions that it was a recorder. 



The Banana Splits
Saturday mornings in the late ‘60s and early 1970s were a time of cartoons and frenetic, psychedelic live-action shows created for kids already hyped up on sugarcoated cereals. The energetic “Tra la las” of the Banana Splits theme were the perfect fix for our habit. 



Hogan’s Heroes
Jerry Fielding wrote several exceptional TV themes, including those for McHale’s Navy and The Bionic Woman, but none more enduring that this rousing military march.



Star Trek
A heroic theme, written by a man appropriately named Alexander Courage, that gave the original adventures of the Starship Enterprise a grandeur that the show’s special effects could not match. Series creator Gene Roddenberry added a completely unnecessary lyric that even many hardcore Trekkers have never heard, in order to fleece Courage out of half his royalties.

Gilligan’s Island
Sherwood Schwartz’s other great theme for his other great (in popularity if not creativity) situation comedy was a whimsical sea shanty that introduced seven stranded castaways. Actually, just five in the first season – The Professor and Mary Ann were dismissed with “and the rest” until a season 2 addendum gave them equal credit. Bonus points for its underrated additional verse that plays over the closing credits.

The Courtship of Eddie’s Father
Harry Nilsson had 8 top 40 hits. “Best Friend,” his joyful theme to The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, was not one of them. It should have been. The song was never released as a single, perhaps because it was adapted from an earlier Nilsson composition called “Girlfriend.” 



The Addams Family
With respect to composer Vic Mizzy, this one probably works better as an instrumental. Surely people more fondly recall the harpsichord and the finger snaps than the “altogether ooky” words.

Hawaii Five-O
When networks remake TV shows, they always think they know better than the artists that created the original series. So it’s a testament to the quality of Morton Stevens'Hawaii Five-O theme that CBS found no way to improve upon it when McGarrett and Dan-O were rebooted in 2010. 



Bewitched
The arrangement behind those wonderful animated opening credits has an ethereal quality appropriate for a classy supernatural sitcom. But this is one case where the lyrics actually work even though they are never heard in the series. 



The Andy Griffith Show
A few whistled measures of Earle Hagen’s “The Fishin’ Hole” is all some of us need to be transported back to the idyllic town of Mayberry, where there’s always an apple pie cooling on a window sill, and chicken and dumplings for Sunday dinner.

Next: The Top 20 Themes of the 1970s

The Top 20 TV Theme Songs of the 1970s

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I haven’t perceived a significant change in approach to TV themes from the 1960s into the 1970s, beyond a more prevalent use of pop songs to encourage crossover promotion. There are still plenty of outstanding contenders to choose from, and several worthy examples that fell just short (my apologies to One Day at a Time, The Waltons and Land of the Lost, among others).

We begin, however, with what is arguably the best television theme song of all time.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The season one version of The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme is more than just a catchy tune or a means to introduce characters; it told the story of a generation of women breaking free from traditional stereotypes (“How will you make it on your own?”), and encapsulated a transitional moment in the culture. In subsequent seasons the lyrics changed to a celebration of the charms of Mary Richards, thus rendering the theme less substantive but still memorable. 



The Incredible Hulk
We are currently awash in superhero films and TV shows, all scored with some variation on a bold, John Williams-like orchestral fanfare. So it’s surprising that one of the first successful transitions of a Marvel character into television, particularly one as powerful as the Hulk, would rely instead on a poignant piano piece called “The Lonely Man,” which focused more on the misfortune of the scientist inside the monster, so affectingly played by Bill Bixby. 




Makin’ It
As I wrote in an earlier piece on TV theme songs that were better than the shows they introduced, “Makin’ It” was a Saturday Night Feverhomage rip-off that debuted in February of 1979, and was canceled one month later. But the theme, performed by series star David Naughton, deservedly reached #5 on the Billboard chart. 



The Rockford Files
This is the first classic TV theme written by Mike Post (with Pete Carpenter). Post would go on to create equally memorable songs for several other series, including Hill Street Blues and Magnum P.I. While the song itself is distinctive, it’s really the jarring hodgepodge arrangement that puts it over. I’d wager that before this no one had written anything for blues harmonica, dobro, electric guitar, synthesizer, flute, French horn and trombone. 



Welcome Back, Kotter
Gabe Kaplan’s sitcom already had a theme selected, when former Lovin’ Spoonful lead singer John Sebastian submitted his effort. Producers quickly made a switch and the theme, Sebastian’s only solo hit, topped the Billboard chart in May of 1976.

The Love Boat
Is it cheesy? Sure it is. But this Paul Williams-Charles Fox composition set the right tone for a series that delivered breezy (and cheesy) romantic stories. The Jack Jones vocal adds an extra touch of Vegas schmaltz. Has anyone boarded a cruise ship in the last 30 years and not had this playing in their head?



Taxi
As with The Incredible Hulk, Taxi has a theme that offers a counterpoint to the series it introduces. The show featured loud, outlandish characters, a seedy setting and crass (at least for its time) punch lines, but it opened with “Angela,” a gentle, melancholy wisp of electronic jazz composed by Bob James.

S.W.A.T.
Every cop show should open with this blistering theme. Every single one. It would even make the lousy shows better. 



The Odd Couple
Neal Hefti’s theme has that instant earworm quality of the best TV theme songs, and once it gets inside it doesn’t go away easily, as illustrated in the most perfect Friends cold open in that series’ history. 



The Young and the Restless
A haunting, graceful piece of music with a complicated history. It was introduced in the 1971 film Bless the Beasts and Children as “Cotton’s Dream.” A new arrangement by cowriter Perry Botkin, Jr. was first heard on The Young and the Restlessin 1973. But after ABC’s Wide World of Sports used “Cotton’s Dream” to score a compilation of gymnast Nadia Comaneci’s routines from the 1976 Olympics, the music became forever known as “Nadia’s Theme.”

Angie
The jubilant “Different Worlds” made the top 20, and you can still hear it performed live if you happen to catch the amazing Maureen McGovern in concert. Since Angie has been out of circulation for so long, there’s still a freshness to the tune that is unachievable by themes from more popular shows. 



The NBC Mystery Movie
Here we see an example of the exceptional craftsmanship we used to take for granted in television. Rather than a simple voiceover and teaser clips from each week’s mystery movie, NBC created a brief but unforgettable segment with a shadowy figure brandishing a flashlight, a cloud-filled orange sky, and an eerie whistling theme composed by Henry Mancini. 



M*A*S*H
“Suicide is Painless” was first heard in the film version of M*A*S*H, but worked equally well as an introduction to the long-running series. Mike Altman, the 14 year-old son of the film’s director, Robert Altman, wrote the lyric, which was never heard on the show. The song was so successful that it earned the teenager more than $1 million, more than ten times what Altman received to direct the movie.

The Bob Newhart Show
Classic TV fans may best know Lorenzo Music as Carlton the unseen doorman on Rhoda. He should be best known for co-creating The Bob Newhart Show and writing its theme, “Home to Emily.” Multiple arrangements were tried during the series’ 6 seasons, but it’s the longer version, with that soaring trumpet that plays as Bob indeed arrives home to Emily, that makes the track unforgettable. 



The Dukes of Hazzard
The saga of two good ol’ boys never meanin’ no harm, as performed by balladeer Waylon Jennings, was the fulfillment of what Dukescreator Gy Waldron told me he wanted from his show, back when I interviewed him for my book on the series. He wished for episodes to unfold like a great country song. That didn’t always happen, but the song that opened every show was a keeper.

Barney Miller
In the beginning there was that bass line. And then there were drums, and an electric guitar, and by the time the horn section had its say you were primed and ready for another visit to the 12th Precinct. 



The Partridge Family
I think almost everyone prefers the “Come on get happy” version that played in seasons 2-4, over the “When we’re singing” theme from the first season. Either way it’s certainly one of the songs that epitomizes 1970s pop culture. 



Sigmund and the Sea Monsters
All of the Sid & Marty Krofft shows have memorable themes – H.R. Pufnstuf, The Bugaloos, Land of the Lost, Lidsville, etc.  I’ve selected “Friends” from Sigmund and the Sea Monsters as the pick of the litter, fully cognizant that the rendition by series star Johnny Whitaker does not bolster my case. 



The Jeffersons
Obviously a great song, with its spirited lead vocal (by Good Times star Ja’net Dubois) backed by a gospel chorus, but this is also a theme that resonated more deeply with African American communities, as a sign of long-overdue changing times. Beyoncé covered it on her 2013 tour.

Dallas
Westerns had all but disappeared on television by the 1970s.  Dallas is rarely classified that way, but its dynamic theme certainly recalls the glory days of the genre.



Next: The Top 20 Themes of the 1980s

The Top 20 TV Theme Songs of the 1980s

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As with last year’s series of blogs on essential television series by decade, this series on theme songs will also conclude with the 1980s. Not only is this the last decade that qualifies as Comfort TV, it’s also the last one where a theme song was an essential part of the viewing experience. It might be an interesting challenge to try and find 20 great songs form the 1990s, but I fear the selections would be pretty scarce after Friends, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The X-Files.

Cheers
The 1980s doesn’t seem like that long ago – to me, anyway – yet think about how times have changed. Back then an ode to a bar as heartening as “Where Everybody Knows Your Name” was actually commended, and not condemned for encouraging alcoholism. 



Hill Street Blues
Another outstanding (and Grammy-winning) theme from Mike Post, the genre’s most prolific and successful composer. Good thing he came up with something this appealing for Hill Street Blues, since it would have to play long enough to introduce what seemed like 30 or 40 regulars in every episode. 



The Golden Girls
“Thank you for Being a Friend” was written and recorded by Andrew Gold in 1978, and then revived (with new vocals by Cynthia Fee) for this beloved sitcom. It’s a perfect fit.

Miami Vice
If any television theme screams 1980s, it’s this electronic musical assault from Jan Hammer. Probably not the sort of piece you listen to very often anymore, but then not everything that seemed cool 30 years ago has managed to retain that status.

Wings
And while some compositions like the Miami Vice theme have their moment in the sun and then fade into history, others endure for hundreds of years. The Wings theme is actually the Rondo movement from Franz Schubert’s Sonata in A, written in 1828. Sadly, it only lasted through the series’ first season and half of season two. 



The Greatest American Hero
The Joey Scarbury hit “Believe it or Not” is one of those songs that are kind of awesome and kind of terrible at the same time. But who didn’t love the pop culture boost it received from George Costanza’s answering machine on Seinfeld?



Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors
‘80s kids grew up with cartoons created primarily to sell toys. The themes were mostly generic, but the intro to Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors had an over-the-top hair metal vibe that still sounds great. And the toys were underrated too.

Twin Peaks
Perhaps no other series used music to establish tone and atmosphere as effectively as Twin Peaks. The extraordinary theme and score by Angelo Badalamenti created a sense of foreboding that hung over every scene. It’s impossible to think of the show without it. 



It’s a Living
With its full orchestra and soaring vocal arrangements, this lively theme sounds like something written for a classic 1940s Broadway musical. 



St. Elsewhere
Dave Grusin’s lilting jazz theme for this always excellent (and always low-rated) drama was the best of his many television works, which also include the themes for Maude, Good Times and It Takes a Thief



Newhart
Bob Newhart’s second successful sitcom had a subversive streak that belied its bucolic setting. But its simple, beautiful theme had no such undertones. It’s just a really sweet and cozy piece of music from Henry Mancini, a composer who also contributed to my list of top 20 themes from the 1950s.

The Winds of War
Technically this was a miniseries, but there were 14 episodes between The Winds of War and its sequel, War and Remembrance, and that’s more than some shows manage. The magnificent theme was created by Robert Cobert, whose work with series producer Dan Curtis dates back to their days on Dark Shadows



Moonlighting
If you look back over TV history, you find that all of the coolest shows have music that complements this admirable quality. Do the songs become cooler by association, or do they succeed on their own merits? With Moonlighting the answer is obvious. One can groove to Al Jarreau’s jazzy theme without ever meeting David Addison, Maddie Hayes or Miss DiPesto.



My Sister Sam
Not a lot of happy memories associated with this situation comedy, given the tragic murder of costar Rebecca Schaeffer. But it was a good show with much potential, and a theme in Kim Carnes’ “Room Enough for Two,” that under different circumstances would be much better known. 



Thirtysomething
This soothing piece by W.G. Snuffy Walden always reminds me of Pachelbel’s Canon in D.

It’s Garry Shandling’s Show
Here is the first theme song to send up the very concept of the theme song. Shandling’s self-aware series was a forerunner to the kind of meta-television we take for granted now. 

Highway to Heaven
David Rose wrote music for three shows starring Michael Landon ­– Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven. And each time it set the appropriate mood for the stories that followed. I like the trumpet on this theme better than the one on Dynasty



The A-Team
A rousing march and one last curtain call for Mike Post, who (with long-time partner Pete Carpenter) scored a big part of our classic TV heritage.

Beauty and the Beast
One of television’s most beloved cult series was graced by a theme (by Lee Holdridge) with all the romance and gravitas of a classic film score. Check out the beautiful rendition by the City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra.



Duck Tales
Those infectious “Woo-hoos” have stuck with Generation X the same way that “Watch out for that tree!” can still make a Baby Boomer smile after all these years. 

The Love Boat: Sailing Away from Cynicism

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My classic TV viewing is rarely influenced by current events. However, at those moments that the world situation seems more depressing than usual, I often find myself drifting toward less challenging shows.

When a temporary escape from dire headlines is warranted, the carefree appeal of a frivolous series like The Love Boat is particularly welcome. What sounds better to you right now – another story about Ebola, lone-wolf terrorism, school shootings and contentious political campaigns, or an open smile on a friendly shore? 



Escapism was always one of the series’ selling points, even if viewers were only escaping something as mundane as winter. From 1977 to 1987, the show embarked on each new season as autumn leaves began to fall, and sailed through the months when days were shorter and weather forecasts promised blizzards and cold, bleak temperatures.

Growing up in the Chicago suburbs I can still recall watching The Love Boat on Saturday nights and gazing, longingly, at the bright sunshine and clear blue skies as the Pacific Princess sailed out of port. As each week’s swimsuit-clad voyagers lounged on the Lido deck, sipping tropical drinks and discussing day trips into Mazatlánor Puerto Vallarta, it felt like a virtual vacation from the frozen wasteland outside my bedroom window. 



Critics hated it, of course. It didn’t have the gravitas of Hill Street Blues (as if that was the objective). How dare any series possess no higher aspirations than showcasing nice people in attractive scenery, and simple stories of romance. But in the era that brought us the Iran hostage crisis, the last throes of the Cold War, the Unabomber, the murder of John Lennon and other depressing news, I’m sure millions of viewers appreciated the break. The show came along at a good time.

And the timing was also favorable when it came to casting. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, many of Hollywood’s golden age stars were still performing, even if opportunities to do so were not as prevalent. The Love Boat‘s prestigious passenger list includes June Allyson, Van Johnson, Lana Turner, Joseph Cotten, Olivia de Havilland, Greer Garson, Joan Fontaine, Stewart Granger and Ginger Rogers.

Television stars past and present filled out the remaining roles, along with a few frequent travelers who qualified as celebrities, though at the time we didn’t know why, exactly: Bert Convy, Mary Ann Mobley, Dr. Joyce Brothers, and the ubiquitous Charo, who seemed to check in at least once a month. 



The Love Boat crew was as responsible for the series’ success and longevity as its guest stars. I can’t prove it, and have not found any polling on the subject (academia is shockingly bereft of scholarly research on The Love Boat) but for me it was the friendly and reliable presence of Gavin McLeod, Fred Grandy, Ted Lange, Bernie Kopell and Lauren Tewes that anchored the series though episodes good and bad.

What a wonderful job that must have been. With the stories carried by the passengers, your captain, yeoman purser, doctor, bartender and cruise director received scripts with one-third of the lines they would have to memorize on a typical hour-long series. Kopell and Grandy had so much free time they also wrote several stories. And once or twice each season a crewmember would get to play a moment that required extra depth and effort, and they were always up to the task.

I had it bad for Julie McCoy, who seemed like one those sweet and wholesome girls that you would be proud to take home to mom. That says something about my naiveté as a viewer, because in nine seasons she invited a lot of guys back to her cabin. At the time I thought they were just getting together to sip hot chocolate and play some board games. 



As with any long running series, even one with such a pliable premise, The Love Boat eventually began to lose its mojo. I never thought Jill Whelan was the Cousin Oliver of the cruise lines, but most people didn’t get why Vicki was necessary. Lauren Tewes’ one-season departure disrupted crew chemistry, and the late addition of the Love Boat Mermaids and series-killer Ted McGinley (as ship photographer Ace) smacked of desperation.

But even in its least inspired moments, The Love Boatwas a refreshing oasis of optimism in a desert of cynicism. It was weekly wish fulfillment that reassured all of us losers that there really was someone out there for everyone. 

And if nothing else, it was a time capsule for an era of film, television and popular culture that we rightly recall as magical. Artist Andy Warhol sailed on the Pacific Princess. So did Donna Reed and Dolly Parton, Hulk Hogan and Lillian Gish, the Hudson Brothers and the Pointer Sisters. Luise Rainer, who won back-to-back Oscars in 1936 and 1937, appeared on The Love Boat (playing twins!). Janet Jackson was there at the beginning of her career, and it was where Janet Gaynor, the first Best Actress Oscar winner in 1928, gave her final performance. 

The first two seasons of The Love Boat are available on DVD. In discouraging times like these, the rest of the run cannot be released too soon. 


The (Real) Home of Comfort TV

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There is a fantasy shared by many of us who love Comfort TV, and that is the prospect of visiting the fictional worlds created in classic shows. What would it be like to attend one of those martini-drenched cocktail parties hosted by Sam and Darren Stevens? Or listen to the Partridge Family rehearse in their garage? Or to see snow falling over Major Nelson’s house in July, and realize that Jeannie is at it again? 

Impossible, of course. But there is a place that would bring one closer to realizing this dream than any other in our mundane real world. It’s in Burbank, California, on a section of the Warner Bros. Ranch known as Blondie Street. If classic TV has a home, this is it.

At first glance it looks like any other gently-curving street you would find in suburban cities throughout the United States – single family homes with attached garages and neatly-manicured lawns out front, some with a white picket fence surrounding the property.

But if you know your classic TV shows, it won’t be long before every house on the block begins to look familiar. Start with the Blondie home, built for use in a series of 1940s films based on the long-running comic strip. For TV fans, however, it is famous as the home of the Andersons in Father Knows Best, as well as the home of Major Nelson on I Dream of Jeannie



This is also where you’ll find the homes used on Hazel and Gidget, and the Oliver house that was home to both the Stones on The Donna Reed Show and the Mitchells on Dennis the Menace. Next door to the Blondie home is the Partridge Family home  – note the driveway on the right where the iconic bus was often parked. 



At the end of the street is the Higgins house, most famously used as the Stephens residence on Bewitched



There is a park on the other side of the street, which has appeared in all of the above shows and hundreds more. Its most famous feature is a circular, white stone fountain that should also be familiar to every TV fan. It was prominently featured in the opening credits of Friends
, but sharp-eyed viewers can spot it in dozens of other shows, from The Waltons to The Monkees.



If you want to know the full history of the Warner Bros. Ranch, there is an excellent websitethat details every aspect of the property, from its initial construction to the movies and television shows filmed there. Mischa Hof, with whom I’ve exchanged a number of emails over the past 10 years, created the site. It’s a labor of love for him, and I can’t imagine how much time and money he’s devoted to research and interviews that celebrate its pop culture heritage.

A few months ago I received an email from a woman named Janet who works on the Blondie Street part of the property. She asked if I would be willing to write a blog on the site and on Mischa’s work.

I immediately accepted, having wanted to visit the place for years. I’ve walked the perimeter of the property during more than one trip to Los Angeles (there’s a pretty good pizza place across the street), and peeked through the chain-link fence where you can glimpse some of the houses. 

Unfortunately, just two weeks after Janet extended the invitation, she was laid off after 10 years on the job.

I didn’t know much about Janet then –  I have since learned that she was much loved by her coworkers and those fortunate enough to tour the lot in her presence. 

It’s important that those who work in special places have an appreciation for their history, and for what they mean to people. This should be true whether it’s a metropolitan art museum, a Broadway theater, a venerable old sports arena, or Blondie Street. 



Janet got that. At the time of her dismissal she was working with Mischa on a “Friends of the Ranch” program that would have opened the street to visitors for the first time in its history. Now, that probably will not happen.

I’ll get there one day. I have a few somebodys who know somebodys who will be able to set something up. And as Blondie Street is still a valued part of the studio (you’ll also see it in more recent series like The Middle), I do not fear for its future. But it is without a caretaker now, and that concerns me.

There’s a reason we bestow landmark status on exceptional places. It elevates them above mere property controlled by a corporation, and protects them against the whims of the bureaucrat, the robber baron and the unenlightened. Blondie Street is a place to walk in the footsteps of television’s most beloved characters. It has the ability to reconnect adults with the blissful days of their childhoods.

Perhaps that’s not sufficient for the kind of safekeeping afforded to the Ryman Auditorium or the Old North Church. But if the home of Millard Fillmore can make the cut, so can the home of Samantha Stephens. 

The Classic TV Legacy of Casey Kasem

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Most Saturday mornings you’ll find me driving around Las Vegas listening to a 1970s edition of American Top 40 with Casey Kasem on Sirius XM. I live in the past as much with music as I do with television.

Hearing Casey count down tracks from Fleetwood Mac, Andy Gibb and the Ozark Mountain Daredevils is a happy reminder of tuning into the same broadcasts when they originally aired, as well as a way to remember Kasem in his element, before recent months have turned him into a post-mortem punch line on par with baseball great Ted Williams. 



Kasem was certainly best known as a radio personality, but he also had a successful and somewhat bizarre acting career that also deserves commemoration. He was, to borrow a phrase from Nick at Nite back when that network was worth watching, part of our television heritage.

Here is just a sampling of the shows where he appeared and the roles he played over an eclectic career.

Norville “Shaggy” Rogers
Outside of daytime drama you rarely find an actor portraying the same character for 40 years. Casey Kasem created the voice of Shaggy for Scooby Doo, Where are You when it debuted in 1969, and kept coming back for revivals and adaptations and direct-to-video DVDs until 2009. That’s a lot of “Zoinks!” From 2010 to 2013, he voiced Shaggy’s father, Colton, in Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated.  



Kasem’s voice was often described as unmistakable. But to me Shaggy’s high-pitched quaver sounds almost nothing like the soothing, resonant voice you heard on the radio, or in voiceover the commercials he narrated for Heinz ketchup or Dairy Queen or Oscar Meyer. The difference was so distinct that Kasem often voiced secondary characters in Scooby Doo shows (like the various cops who drag the phony monster to jail) and if you didn’t know you’d never suspect it was the same performer.

Dick Grayson/Robin
This was Kasem’s second most famous animated character, one that predates his time in the Mystery Machine. He played an earnest Boy Wonder in 1968’s The Batman/Superman Hour, and reprised the role in Hanna Barbera’s long-running Super Friendsshows. Super Friends and Scooby Doo were Saturday morning staples throughout the 1970s – no wonder my generation grew up with Kasem’s voice in our heads. 

Adolf Hitler
In 1974, when Don Rickles was the guest of honor on one of Dean Martin’s legendary roasts, Casey Kasem was introduced as “the man who writes every word that comes out of Don’s mouth.” Out he strolled as Hitler (not in Nazi garb, but in a purple smoking jacket), to claim that Rickles is “the only man who has bombed more places than I have.” It’s a bizarre moment but Casey does his best to commit to the character.

Peter Cottontail
Here Comes Peter Cottontail (1971) was the first of three Rankin-Bass Easter specials, none of which are as fondly recalled as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Still, here’s a chance to hear Casey sing, and you try to find another actor who played both Hitler and Peter Cottontail. 



Charlie’s Angels
The season 3 episode “Winning is for Losers” finds the Angels on bodyguard duty, after a professional golfer receives death threats. Jamie Lee Curtis plays the golfer, the same year she starred in Halloween. And Casey Kasem appears as sportscaster Tom Rogers, who has a sinister secret but may or may not be the killer. Despite the appearances of Curtis and Kasem, the episode is most memorable for a scene in which petite little Kris Munroe (Cheryl Ladd) wrestles an alligator.

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries
In the two-part thriller “Mystery of the Hollywood Phantom,” Kasem plays struggling actor Paul Hamilton who, as in Charlie’s Angels, may or may not be a murderer. In his first scene he impersonates Peter Falk as Lt. Columbo, and pulls it off surprisingly well. 



Saved By The Bell
Casey played himself in more than 50 television appearances, including two episodes of this awful but strangely beloved series. In “Dancing to the Max,” he appears as the host of a dance contest, which is somehow won by Screech. Apparently no one saw Elizabeth Berkeley on Dancing With the Stars. Or Showgirls.

These selections are just a small sampling of Kasem’s TV work – if you’re a viewer of the various retro TV channels you’ll also spot him in episodes of Fantasy Island, Hawaii Five-O, Ironside, Quincy and My Two Dads. And if you need a fix between reruns please join me Saturday mornings on the Sirius 70s on 7 channel. I’ll bet it’s been years since you’ve heard “Convoy” or “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” on the radio.

As you do, say a little prayer if you’re so inclined that Casey Kasem’s body will soon be at rest, as his soul ascends to the stars he always encouraged us to reach. 


Mom’s Drunk, Dad Left, and the Homecoming Queen is Pregnant: The ABC Afterschool Specials

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Television’s first executives and programmers had high aspirations for the medium. They believed this new technology could be used to inform, enlighten, and raise the standards of American culture. But then TV networks found they got higher ratings with wrestling than the New York Philharmonic, and all those hopes and dreams perished.
  
Still, every so often somebody tries to do something right: Omnibus, Sesame Street, Life is Worth Living, and yes, though they earned their share of derision then and now, the ABC Afterschool Specials



If you grew up with them as I did, they may seem like relics of the 1970s and early ‘80s; but the network kept making them long after you stopped watching. The first show aired in 1972; the last one in 1997! That means all those troubled teens from season 1 were over 40 by the time school finally let out forever.


I have no memory of any of them after 1982 or so. And my guess is that the kids and teens of the 1990s don’t share the episodes of that time as a generational memory – by then there were already dozens of cable stations, and issue-driven stories for younger people were no longer a novelty.


That’s what made the first shows so revelatory– no one else in the 1970s was aiming this type of content directly at teenagers at an hour they were more likely to be watching TV. Just as Phil Donahue was bringing family skeletons out of the closet – alcoholism, drug use, teen pregnancy – and discussing them on his daily talk show, the Afterschool Specials turned them into earnest 45-minute dramas that won dozens of Daytime Emmys.

Of course, not every Special featured such heavy subjects – others looked at how our times were changing. Remember Jodie Foster in “Rookie of the Year,” about a girl who wanted to play for a boy’s little league team?


Here are my picks for the 10 most memorable Afterschool Specials (which isn’t the same as the 10 best, as you’ll discover from the reviews). Some are among the 24 shows released on DVD. The sets are long out of print but worth seeking out – the nostalgic Trapper Keeper-style cases were a particularly inspired touch. 



Sara’s Summer of the Swans
It’s my blog so I get to start with my favorite. Based on the book by prolific, award-winning novelist Betsy Byars, “Sara’s Summer of the Swans” explores the challenges of growing up with a special needs sibling. But it’s really also about learning to let other people into your life, even if you’re not sure they’ll like it there. That message resonated with me when it first aired, and it’s one I still need to hear from time to time. This is a simple, heartfelt story that exemplifies how enriching these shows can be at their best. And for classic TV fans it has two ex-Bradys (Eve Plumb and Christopher Knight) in supporting roles.


Psst! Hammerman’s After You
The two preeminent school bully dramas of my generation are this Afterschool Special and the 1980 film My Bodyguard. What makes “Hammerman” a little more interesting is that the victim, nicknamed Mouse, is not completely blameless for his plight; in fact, he was pretty much asking for it.


Me and Dad’s New Wife
Adjustment to divorce and stepparents was a frequent Afterschool topic.  I thought it was handled better in other installments, such as “The Bridge of Adam Rush” and “A Family of Strangers,” but more people seem to remember “Me and Dad’s New Wife.” This may be due to a cast regularly featured on Tiger Beat covers – Kristy McNichol, Lance Kerwin and Leif Garrett.


It Must Be Love (Cause I Feel so Dumb!)
Anyone who has ever suffered though unrequited love will identify with poor Eric, a short, awkward 13 year-old who’s got it bad for cheerleader ‘it’ girl Lisa. We’ve all been there, kid. The ending is a bit of a cop-out, though.


Schoolboy Father
The young people on these shows often take on adult responsibilities faster than their peers, either from their own transgressions or someone else’s. Such trials also inspired “Francesca Baby,” the heartbreaking “A Matter of Time” and the unfortunately titled “Daddy, I’m Their Mama Now.” But “Schoolboy Father” became the quintessential treatment, if not the quintessential Afterschool Special. Rob Lowe plays the title character, opposite Dana Plato and Nancy McKeon. 



It Isn’t Easy Being a Teenage Millionaire
Usually you wouldn’t want to trade places with the characters on these shows; here’s the exception. Melissa, 14, wins the lottery, but discovers that sudden wealth isn’t the answer to every problem. And before you ask, yes, minors can legally win lotteries if they receive the ticket as a gift. 


Dear Lovey Hart: I Am Desperate
This is another of my favorites, partly because there’s more humor than is typically found in these shows, and party because of Susan Lawrence, an appealing young actress who should have graduated to bigger and better roles (if you know her at all, it’s from Dr. Shrinker). Here, she plays a student who writes an ill-fated advice column for her high school paper.  



Stoned
Stories of drug and alcohol abuse among teens are synonymous with Afterschool Specials, but surprisingly the series didn’t broach either topic until its eighth season. One year later, Stoned starred Scott Baio as a popular teen jock who tries marijuana and graduates to cocaine and LSD. Reefer Madness overtones aside, Chachi can act and helps keep the story grounded. And this is still better than “Desperate Lives,” in which Helen Hunt cooks up some PCP in her high school chemistry lab and jumps out a high-rise window. 



Which Mother is Mine?
Melissa Sue Anderson plays Alex, a popular teen living in a happy home with her adoptive parents – yeah, you know that’s not going to last. Sure enough, Alex’s biological mother has finally kicked her booze problem and sues for full custody. At first you’ll hate her as much as Alex does, but the observant script is fair and honest in portraying all sides of a difficult issue.

What are Friends For?
New girl in town Amy begins an awkward friendship with eccentric neighbor Michelle Mudd, who like Amy is a child of divorce. “What are Friends For?” makes the list for one scene, which was shot and edited like something out of a horror movie. The first time it aired, it made a whole generation of kids jump back from their TVs at the same time. 



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